A highlight was the bun festival, which on initial appearences consists of all 7 million of residents cramming onto an island that normally has a population of 10,000 in one of those wierd 'how many people can you fit in a phonebooth' types of stunts. What the festival is actually about is eating those chinese buns filled with red bean, or sesame, or something else you don't want to know about. The highlight of the festival is when several young men climb up a large pole covered in buns, gathering as many as they can into a bag. We came for the crowds, but didn't stick around until the middle of the night to witness the scaling of the bun phallus (see slideshow for pictures). 
(A) Walking down our soi to ThongLor and catching a big red hot bus which crawls along just faster than you could walk, always looking to pick up a few extra people (at $0.18 its still worth it), (B) Getting off the bus at the Klong (canal) and walking underneath where the road crosses the klong to find a small raft platform. You stand on the platform and hail passing canal boats. The canals are notoriously disgusting and smell like a night at Dr. Dremo’s wed to a sulfuric explosion. In fact, the boats are long and wide and have a tarp that you pull up along the sides to prevent the warm and zesty sewage water from getting in your eyes. The boats pass under low bridges and thus the roof can be adjusted down. The people that take your money hang off the sides of the boat and where helmets (presumably to protect themselves from the low bridges). Its quite the experience, best done a few times but not too often (again at $0.50 it’s a bargain). 
When you dismount from the boat you can either (C1) Get a cab, which defeats the purpose of going on a bargain voyage (C2) get a tuk tuk, which will turn into a heated debate about price- these drivers are terribly hard to deal with near the tourist sites (C3) take a motorcycle- This is perhaps the most adventurous and dangerous form of transportation around Bangkok. Many use the Motorcycles to go a short distance from a subway or skytrain station to their finally destintion. Every major street corner has a bunch of moto drivers standing around, playing checkers and waiting to take people somewhere. While most drivers are reasonable, many are clinically insane (as was the one who ran a red light with me on a six lane intersection the other night..)
My first moto experience was exhilarating, though I later found out that I violated several unspoken rules of motorbike. Apparently you are allowed to ride either side saddle (for the ladies) or regular. There is a place to hold on behind you, which you can grasp with one or both hands (or if you are cool, you can check your blackberry and drink an ice tea instead). Most people don’t wear helmets are they are only going a short distance and generally have a complete disregard for their life (aka trust moto drivers). My first experience I had my ladybird communicate to the driver where I wanted to go and bid her adieu. While trying to figure out how to mount the moto, the driver noticed my hesitation and tried to make a joke which I failed to understand. 
Once I got myself situated, I put one arm on the driver’s shoulder, which made him recoil a bit. Not taking the hint I said “lets go” and off we went. As we picked up speed I didn’t know what to hold on to, so I reached around and held onto the driver. He tried to say something but his words were swept away by the wind before they got to me. At the next stop, he gave me an oversized helmet that I strapped on. Its only now that I painstakingly look back on that experience- a tall lanky farang (white foreigner) wearing a lopsided helmet hanging that’s too large holding on to a small thai man zooming through traffic. I’m sure I provided a good bit of entertainment to the Thai nation that day. I haven’t been back to the street corner where I got the moto since…
Astounding After a Beer
Then, I came across a brewery near the Singapore River. This perked me up and as I sipped beer and looked at the skyline, I began to feel a lot better about the place. Afterwards I was inspired to start taking some more pictures of the area, which I did. I was particularly impressed by the “surfboard” buildings, 3 buildings that appeared to have a surfboard strung across the top (later I found out this is the famous casino). As I was wandering around taking pictures of various insignificant landmarks in a tipsy and excited state (“Look- it’s a palm tree with Christmas lights- how hilarious! *click click*), I lost track of time and the day had advanced pretty far when I got back on the subway and realized my flight was leaving quite soon. Suddenly my impressions changed and I hoped that the $10 budget flight I had booked would wait for me. Somehow I knew it wouldn’t, but was able to make it make to the airport in time to catch the plane (thank you Singaporean subway system and efficiency!).
Java, Indonesia
I headed south for a 5 day weekend thanks to labor day and coronation day here in Thailand. My Indonesian experience started off very well. At the border in the Jogjakarta airport, I made friends with some people from my flight and agreed to share a car downtown, conveniently hitching a free ride. As I had not yet accessed an ATM and did not have any money when we arrived at their hotel, I shrugged and offered to find an ATM, but they did not want to wait. I’m saving this scam for future use.
I took a bicycle rickshaw to a cheap area of town and walked around looking at various places. Bahasa Indonesia is a fairly easy language to pick up. They write using the same alphabet that we do and most words are pronounced in a logical way. Sosrowijayan is an area of town with lots of budget guesthouses and hotels. The neighborhood is really cool, full of 3 to 8 foot wide little alleys that no cars can drive down. I walked around looking at various homestays, most of which I found a bit overpriced. A small boy asked me to come with him to his house, so I obliged (knowing full well that he would get a commission)- I stayed in a great no name house for $8.
A big "gang" (alley) in Sosrowijayan
I walked around the bustling market street (full of Indonesians going shopping)- unfortunately I only had our nice camera so I’m a bit light on pictures. One thing that was cool was the motorcycle valet- one side of the street had thousands of motorbikes lined up in 3 to 4 rows with motorcycle valets attending to them. Jogjakarta is a really cool city and I recommend it to anyone considering Indonesia (most people head past the cultural to the resorts of Bali- a sort of Cancun equivalent for Australians).
Moto Valet (there are two to three more rows to the right)
I spent two days on a round trip to Mount Bromo, being driven at crazy speeds across the island of Java. There are many volcanoes dotting the landscape, but Mount Bromo is particularly famous and I wanted to see it firsthand. I signed up for a cheap tour and only later realized this would involve consecutive days of 10+ hours in a minibus. Waking up at 330 AM, we headed to a viewpoint, shrouded in clouds to see the sunrise, which we were unable to see, though I snapped a few other pictures. I should mention that being at 2500 meters was a refreshing experience- it was only 40 degrees or so at dawn by the volcano.
Mt Bromo in the clouds
At Bromo
Though I was travelling alone, I was rarely lonely. I made friends with many travelers- there weren’t too many foreigners around so it was easy to strike up a conversation. Indonesian people also speak English pretty well, and are constantly trying to practice. In fact, on our 10 hour minibus odyssey, I was approached at a pit stop by a girl who just started chatting me up. He older brother/father then came and asked if she could ride in the car with us for an hour, speak English and then get dropped off. I found this to be a bit ridiculous and refused. Luckily the other people in the car were German or French, so they were not asked.
Borobudur in the Morning (See the Volcano?)
After returning late and grabbing food with friends, I set my alarm for 4:30 and got up for another early morning tour to the temples at Borobudur. This Buddhist temple is the laragest in the world. It was pretty amazing. Here I was again confroned by scores of young Indonesians trying to practice their English. I was also able to meet up with a friend who is working in Jogjakarta at a sexual health clinic. I went out with her coworkers and had a blast before waking up at 5 AM to catch a plane.
Nana "Entertainment" Plaza
The lady boy phenomenon is quite interesting in Thailand. I could never beat Wikipedia, so I recommend you read up on it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kathoey
There have been quite a few instances of disappointed sex-tourists returning to there hotel rooms to discover they have brought home a lady boy.
Note: Walking around a red light district with professional clothes on during a relative recession is not a good idea if you are not interested in paying for something. We wandered around a bit, got groped, propositioned and offered ‘great happy hour deals’, but ultimately found some street food. I’m glad to see some of the things Thailand is famous for, but ultimately was more interested in delicious food and beer than anything else.
Thai Ghost Movie Poster
Another quick note: Thai people are a bit obsessed with ghosts. One of my coworkers just moved into a new apartment – after the first night he pronounced that he shared the apartment with a ghost. I’m not sure if its frightening or not, but most Thai people acknowledge being visited by ghosts or seeing ghosts. Our other coworkers scolded our friend for not checking out the apartment or sleeping there before moving in. During the course of this discussion, I found out that there is a headless ghost who occupies our office. Incentive to not work late at night!
All Seasons Place Floor 10: Headless Ghost
Our last day we were able to convince some of the local boys (young men) to take us fishing with them (according to our guide the first time white people and akha villagers have ever fished. We spent a whole day trekking through the jungle and up a river, including a delicious lunch that was prepared from fish they had caught for us. We hiked back out of the hills and picked up a car back to Mike’s bosses village near the airport, where the New Year celebration was going strong. People were drinking and playing music all around. We evaded the masses and made it to Mike’s boss house, where we found him lying down and holding his head saying “I’m veryyy drunk”.
We were very tired and so we ate and joined him, falling asleep quickly… until about 3 in the morning, when a local band climbed into the house and started jumping up and down singing and beating on drums and demanding whisky. I thought the whole structure, which was built on wooden stilts, was going to collapse. Luckily the lady of the house provided some whisky and the band only sang 5-6 songs so that by around 4 AM we could sleep again…
We rented motorbikes again with the plan of driving a few hours outside of Vientiene to see the countryside and presumably sleep at a guest house (Mike had other plans). We picked up a friend (named Ty) of our hosts at a place up the street who was from the area we planned to visit. Driving was a bit stressful in town, but the traffic slowly gave way to more lonely roads between rice paddies framed by hills on the horizon. As it was the height of dry season and the hottest time of the year, there were few people working their land, but each village had at least one party going on- many Laos under tents drinking beer lao and dancing in front of speakers the size of pickup trucks. Each group would wave at us as we drove by, inviting us to join. When the heat became unbearable we pulled up to one of these.
The people of Laos, I would learn, are both extremely friendly, moderately alcoholic, and unrelenting. As soon as we pulled over we were invited into the party and onto the dance floor, where we were offered beer lao (Beer Lao is usually consumed in a circle out of a communal glass filled with ice. You down your beer and pass the glass along. If someone offers you a glass its very impolite to refuse them…) upon entering the tent I was assailed by a few girls who wanted to dance and several visibly drunk men who wanted me to drink. I was adamant that I not drink because I knew we intended to continue driving eventually, but as the fourth glass of ice cold beer laos was reunited with the third glass in my stomach I began to feel at home. Baby powder was splashed on my face and I noted that our host, my girlfriend and our Laos accomplice Ty were having similar experiences. I danced and discovered the only way to avoid drinking beer was to have a pepsi in hand at all times. I should briefly mention that it was 2 pm.
We pulled away from the party and had a mellow afternoon ride over some hills to an impressive lake/reservoir. As the sun was beginning to set by this point, I asked where we planned to sleep, but Mike was not concerned, saying “hopefully with Ty’s family”. We drove through the festival in the darkness of night and stopped in front of a farmers house. Mike announced told us we had arrived at Ty’s house, where we would sleep after returning from the festival. I accidentally stepped on his brother, who was lying face down in a pile of rubble and was too drunk, according to Ty’s mother. We spent the night on some blankets in what in the US we might consider a foundation- disturbed only by the drunk father returning to ramble at us.
Fertility Celebrations. Beer Lao!
Our second day, which began at sunrise (rural areas with minimal electrification) involved motorbiking, swimming in a beaufitul river with tens of kids, a visit to the laos zoo and a return to the festival, which had seemed much more subdued in my delirium and drunkenness the night before. It was the day for the rocketfestival, which involved hundreds of drunk men carrying heavily decorated bamboo shoots into a field and launching them into the air. The rest of us danced around and drank beer lao in merriment. The day wore on and it became apparent that we would stay with Ty’s family again. I should briefly mention the fertility festival- which involved a bunch of women carrying around penises carved out of wood and making people touch them for good luck.
Somehow we made it back to Vientiene alive and exhausted…
Getting Stuffed by a Lao Boy
On our second day my girlfriend and I were riding along the coast and saw a large Buddha on a little island connected to Samui by a causeway. We started taking pictures on the causeway and were having a grand time when my gfs bike had a malfunction that cause it to rocket off the causeway down a 10 foot rocky cliff/hill and into the ocean with her dragging behind. (CAVEAT: don’t worry she is fine now– read on) I had been about 20 feet up the road at that point but was quickly alerted to the situation by some passing german tourists. My girlfriend was in pretty good shape all things considered, but still had a number of scrapes and a few deeper cuts on her legs. Several Thai people helped me retrieve the bike from the ocean while my girlfriend got attended to by an ambulance truck that showed up. Luckily we were able to start the moto and some local shop up the street helped me wash it off so that it looked less damaged. I spent the afternoon with my ladybird in a hospital getting her wounds sanitized- again nothing too dramatic in terms of injuries- although she did scream a bit when they doused her wounds in alcohol and definitely scared away a few potential clients from the hospital we were in. 
Perhaps the highlight of the whole affair was that evening, when we arrived at the airport and the woman at check in asked if we would like a wheelchair (my girlfriend had a few bandages on her right leg, but was walking around just fine)- we both laughed at such a silly proposition and then accepted the offer. Bangkok airways has a monopoly on flights in and out of Koh Samui, which explains why we paid an exorbitant fee for the one hour flight to Bangkok. It also explains why the airport is absurdly nice. From the aquariums in the mens room to the full childrens playground and the lounge with complementary newspapers, food and beverages, we had it all. A young gentlemen from Bangkok airways came and tapped me on the shoulder to inform me that it was time to board. I said rather loudly “no one else is boarding” to which he shrugged in the direction of my girlfriend, who was enjoying a complementary magazine, lemonade and Danish. 
Thus, with VIP fanfare we were escorted to a private van to drive us to the aircraft before anyone else was allowed to board using the larger buses. I felt a bit guilty sneaking in this way as I was clearly in good health (the other 90+ year old couple that boarded regarded me skeptically as I hopped out of the van)- so I made it seem as if I were a crutch for my girlfriend. On arrival in Bangkok we received even better service, with a wheelchair awaiting us with an employee prepared to push us anywhere we wished to go. As of now my gfs wounds are healing without much trace of a “Samui Tatoo” (aka what resident expats have dubbed the motorbike induced scars they have accumulated in their days on Samui).
